How to Resolve Marriage Problems Quickly
Conflicts happen in a marriage, and sometimes they are unavoidable. By learning how to overcome these conflicts, you can maintain a long-lasting relationship. We have already reviewed the common causes of marriage problems. Here we will explain how to resolve marriage problems quickly, with helpful tips from our licensed marriage counselors.
Try not to talk over one another during a disagreement. You may be tempted to share your side when the other person is talking, but respect what he or she has to say. Listen to the full statement, and then provide your input. If you struggle to do this, you may use a “talking stick” or similar object to create boundaries. Only the person holding the object can speak. Then the object is passed to the other person. In time, you will have healthy communication habits that won’t require this tool.
Discuss Solutions, Not Just Problems
You should express your concerns, but you should also suggest solutions. If you cannot come up with any, prompt your spouse to find solutions with you. “We need to find a way to…” Problems are stressful, but solutions are motivating. The solutions you suggest will show that you do want to work through your issues, and you’re hopeful for the future.
Avoid Negative Comments and Threats
Threatening to leave your spouse is never effective for conflict resolution. This rarely ignites the response you want, and it tells your spouse to be guarded. Every threat damages the trust in your marriage, which is difficult to rebuild.
Negative comments are also hurtful, and they detract from the conversation. Instead of insulting your spouse, focus on the underlying issues. What is this argument actually about? What can you do to fix the core issues? Your marriage counselor can help you with this.
“I Want to” vs. “I Want You to”
During a discussion, avoid phrases that put pressure on the other person. Instead of saying, “I want you to spend more time at home,” say, “I want to spend more time together as a family.” The message is the same, but the phrasing takes the blame off your spouse. This will lead to a more productive discussion.
Take a Break to Gather Your Thoughts
If the argument is escalating without progress, take a break. Give yourselves time to gather your thoughts and think about what you really want to say. A simple reset will provide a calmer environment for conflict resolution.
Talk to Your Marriage Counselor (Even after Resolution)
Your marriage counselor can help you resolve marriage problems. However, your therapist can also help you build on your own success. If you recently resolved an issue in your marriage, talk about it during your counseling session. Your therapist will help you identify what you did right so you can use the same tactics in the future.
Midwest Psychological Services offers marriage counseling, individual counseling and family counseling. Give us a call at (715) 381-1980 to schedule an appointment with a therapist near you.